I really don’t fucking care who wins the Super Bowl. On one hand I’m kind of rooting for the Cardinals. They’re sort of like the Lions, a perpetual loser. On the other hand I really don’t want to hear Kurt Warner give all the credit for their victory to Jesus. I mean seriously America has had to listen to Tebow two years in a row.
What I really want is an atheist, a skeptical non redneck athlete to take home a trophy. I just want a guy who thanks his parents for endowing in him superior genetics, a guy that thanks his agent for getting him a fat ass fucking signing bonus. I don’t want another asshole thanking Jesus for leading him to victory. I’m pretty indifferent towards the Steelers too. Everyone keeps saying Pittsburgh is a working class town like Detroit. Bullshit. Pittsburgh is by all accounts a city rebuilding after the collapse of domestic manufacturing jobs. Also if you look at the demographic breakdowns of Pittsburgh and Detroit, you will see that Pittsburgh is a predominantly white city. Shit I was rooting for Baltimore! They had a team that represented their city (well the city outside of the inner harbor). Then again my love of the Ravens probably has more to do with my freakish obsession with the Wire than anything.
I guess what I’m looking forward to the most about the Super Bowl is the half-time show. It’s the Boss motherfuckers! This is the most promising half time show since Prince ripped it a couple years ago. I’m imagining Springsteen; teeth clenched, running through a medley that includes not one, but two songs with the word “born” in the title. I’m envisioning Max Weinberg looking like, um, Max Weinberg. I can already see Stevie’s scarf on head concealing the perfectly primed pompadour of Silvio Dante. And goddamnit I am having visions of Clarence Clemons looking like the geriatric ex-boxer he isn’t. Resting on a stool like a man about to die, only to come to life again ripping through a vitalizing saxophone solo. He is reborn! I’m also hoping the Obama family jet packs in and the world is great again. B-Doggy O, does owe him a favor or two.
SHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT.
